maybe

As part of a quieter August, I've had some time to think & reflect. I expected this to happen although my planning suggested some theological study. Rather than that, I've ended up thinking about the 'simplicities' of life - in particular sin, patterns, habits & disciplines.

I've returned at times to 1 John, which, alongside love brings out a theme of walking in the light versus walking in the dark, the latter highlighting our choosing to practice sin.

No one who lives deeply in Christ makes a practice of sin. None of those who do practice sin have taken a good look at Christ. (1 John 3:6 MSG)

Think about it naturally, if you're walking in the light it is still possible to stumble (sin) occasionally but far more unlikely than if you are choosing to walk in the dark & practicing.

Last August, I heard a man talk about the 'Moment of Maybe'. He defined it brilliantly in a context of how we often end up choosing to sin & one year on, it lives large in my thinking.

Rather than going straight from a No, I'm not going to do that to a Yep, I'll do that, he suggests we go through Maybe...

- what would it be like if...
- how would it feel to...
- could I get away with...

His wise counsel was to spot the Moments where we move to Maybe, allow the Spirit to guide us & quickly return to a place of choosing not to sin - turn on the lights!

We see a couple of examples of how this can play out from the Apostles, even as Jesus was preparing to make the ultimate sacrifice...

Judas

Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples, even then getting ready to betray him. (John 12:4 MSG)

It was suppertime. The Devil by now had Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot, firmly in his grip, all set for the betrayal. (John 13:2 MSG)

As soon as the bread was in his hand, Satan entered him. "What you must do," said Jesus, "do. Do it and get it over with." (John 13:27 MSG)

Peter

Jesus said, "Don't be so sure. Today, this very night in fact, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times." (Mark 14:30 MSG)

Just then the rooster crowed a second time. Peter remembered how Jesus had said, "Before a rooster crows twice, you'll deny me three times." He collapsed in tears. (Mark 14:72 MSG)

For my part (& hopefully yours), this grounds itself most simply in a need to choose - will I choose to settle for the short term gratification of sin or choose the longer term rewards including a heavenly eternity?

As Deuteronomy spells out

I've brought you today to the crossroads of Blessing and Curse. (11:26 MSG)

Let's choose well - Jonathan

what's @ the core?

I believe John Ortberg is one of the most blessed conveyors of scripture alive today. This gift, alongside his vulnerability & ability to bring a challenge makes him a must read/listen to for me.

Only once have I had this pleasure 'in the flesh' - it was back in 2008, the experience lives on in my life. That day he spoke about us all having different levels of convictions...

Public convictions

these are things we say (though not necessarily believe) because we know that they are the correct things to say. Whether or not we live them out is another matter

Private convictions

these are things we say & hope/believe are true of us & our behaviour

Core convictions

these are the things we truly believe & this is shown in the way that we act - there is a consistency borne out of our inner existence

Whilst having been a people watcher for some time, this past week I became aware of a couple of occasions when I was the one being looked at or looked to.

It has made me far more sensitive to some recent scripture readings...

Stay clear of pious talk that is only talk. Words are not mere words, you know. If they're not backed by a godly life, they accumulate as poison in the soul                    2 Tim 2 (MSG)

I could almost pick a verse at random from James but how about two from chapter 3 (MSG)...

Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts (verse 13) 

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings (verse 17)

All of us are constantly in a spotlight - if not from others, then from Him. We may be able to fool others (though less of the time than we think), we may try & fool ourselves (though I'm increasingly unsure why we'd bother), we can not fool Him.

I feel it's time for some of my convictions to shift so that my actions more often match my words - elsewhere in James it suggests we 'Get serious'.

August is just around the corner & that provides me an ideal opportunity to reflect. It's one I intend to take - I'd love for you to do likewise in your own way.

May Jesus himself and God our Father, who reached out in love and surprised you with gifts of unending help and confidence, put a fresh heart in you, invigorate your work and enliven your speech

Be blessed

Jonathan

going a bit too well??

Those in regular conversations with me, know that 'fix' is a part of my make-up & vocabulary. I'm mindful that if not careful it can be both damaging (to me & others) in 'unfixable' situations & bring me uncomfortably close to 'playing' God's role.

This past week has built on the few that have gone before it & has been incredible. So much so, that I'm loathe to try & talk about it or explain it. It has seen plenty of 'fix' & in some cases, issues that have been around for years being resolved in days.

My part in this does not feel out of line with God's plan & purpose, but given my potential defaults, I want to keep myself in check. I'm doubly mindful, given a recent challenge via 1 Corinthians 3...

A couple of times this week, things have not 'gone my way', my reaction has been interesting - further 'work' required, I guess!!

I've also been doing some more thinking around my August existence & have added two more things to my intentional approach...

1. In 3 wants & isolation I mentioned pride & vanity - both are massive parts of me & I've decided to try & blog some of my journey during this quieter reflective time. I have set up a PandV category!
2. Alongside this, a desire for more depth than I'd always go for has brought me to a SOAPing plan during August. Again, there's a new category & it will be populated during the coming weeks

One final thought that struck me whilst reading Philippians...

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life (Phil 4:6-7 MSG)

These verses encourage us to pray about our worries. They don't say that when we do that our worries are 'fixed', they do say that when we do that we are settled by God's wholeness as it displaces worry at the centre of your life.

In times of worry, rather than looking for 'fixes', what I need to do is recalibrate & centre on God. When I do, His promises to me become more prominent & powerful in my life.

Q: Where might you need to hear this today?

Q: What promise from God do you need to remind yourself of? 

I feel sufficient ramblings have been endured - weekend well everybody

Jonathan

3 wants & isolation

Regular readers will probably realise that maths, patterns & logic are core to my existence......this obviously permeates my reading of scripture. My last but one blog (w3grace) was a good example of that, this one is along similar lines.

I've been reading 1 John for most of this year - the underlying themes of love & sin patterns have been & will be posts on others days, for now I'm elsewhere, to be exact, 1 John 2:15-6 (MSG)

Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world - wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important - has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from Him

Reading those two verses, it doesn't take me very long to recognise myself. Words like pride, self & vanity come to the fore. And so, I am again faced with a choice as to what's more important & desirable to me in life...

• I do want my own way - so badly, most of the time (but less than used to be the case!!), this isn't helped by the fact that I'm also right most of the time! (that's a mix of leader, pride & a few other things talking)
• I do not want everything for myself - I am blessed with a generous spirit & whilst not blasé, remaining selfless is something I continue to cultivate
• I do want to appear important - at my worst, I couldn't put into words how much this is the case. Those 6 words represent a 'daily taking up my cross', created by a desire for significance alongside vanity
• I do not want to be isolated from Him - in Him I am unconditionally loved, in Him I am complete, in Him I find rest

When I set it down in print it's dead easy & I wonder what all my fuss is about - just choose Him & die will you. Yet, back in the realities of life, the demons of the soul that are pride & vanity exert themselves. That phrase is taken from Finding Happiness by Abbot Christopher Jamison, a book that continually challenges & educates me in my discipleship. More of all that in my next few posts.

Back to you...

Q: how do you score on John's wants?

Q: what drives those wrong attitudes & behaviours?

Q: where do you need to be more aware & thereafter more intentional?

In his excellent the me I want to be, John Ortberg repeatedly uses a phrase there is a God and it is not you. We'd all happily agree with those words & yet in our actions, our wantings, we are tempted to behave otherwise.

Rather than being downcast (I know I'm not) - my prayer is that even today we will each see a little more clearly the need for less of 'me' & more of Him.

Be blessed

Jonathan

it's june - say something

The more observant amongst you may have noticed that I managed not to blog during May. At times I felt like I had nothing to say, other times, I was overwhelmed with subject matter (hence three drafts where I made a start). More of the time, however, I felt plain old busy & confused - in general & on where I would begin.

It's now June - a combination of my own desire together with promptings from a couple of friends brings me to needing to write a post. Last month, will I believe, prove to have been a seismic & pivotal period for CCN (Christian Centre). Maybe more of that at another time. It is also becoming pleasantly monotonous that every conversation right now, whether in an orgnanised meeting or organic conversation is trending to the topics of development & discipleship.

Given such thoughts & context, I remain unsure as to where's best to begin, but I'm parking my need for perfection, order etc... & choosing Exodus 33 as my topic. This is the passage that I find myself meditating on and talking about most frequently at the moment. It's likely that I will share some of these thoughts in CCN staff meeting next week (stop now if you don't want that spoiling!).

We find ourselves listening in on a conversation between God & Moses. God says that it's time to...

Head for the land which I promised Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (v.1 MSG)

We know from verse 3 that it's a land flowing with milk & honey, elsewhere we're told about the grapes. In verse 2, we also see that God's intent was to send an angel with them & ahead of them to clear out their enemies (all the 'ites).

So, to be clear, God is talking about a promised & fruitful place alongside His ongoing protection. Sounds good - I'll start packing.

Moses of the other hand was far less bought into this idea, his response was No Deal...

If Your presence doesn't take the lead here, call this trip off right now (v.15 MSG)

The desire & need Moses had for God's presence was so pronounced that he was willing to stay here rather than go there if that's what it took to remain with God. Take a minute...here was the wilderness, a barren place of survival & complaint, a place that had previously caused Moses to ask to die.

Our knowledge of the bible can at times put us at a disadvantage, like in this story, we know that God did actually carry on the journey of promise with them. However...

Q: real time - did Moses know that is wasn't a choice between here & there

Q: real time - would you have chosen the promised land, with all it brought & an angel but without God

I know that I am coming to increasingly crave God's presence. I also know what my answer to the second question can be when I need success, achievement & fruitfulness (as I am tempted to define them). I have to wonder if God was prepared to carry on the adventure with the Israelites because, if push had come to shove, Moses had chosen to stay here?!

My prayer for myself (& you if desired), is that I continue on my quest to know both God & myself better, such that I can love both God & myself more.

Have a blessed weekend - your fellow pilgrim

Jonathan 

come on you 20's

It's been a while since my last post, truth be told, I'm in a slump & have been for the month of April. There's more confusion in my life than is healthy for a control freak(!!), but I'm asking questions, talking with friends & believe Renewal will be along shortly (any1 for a diagram)!

Looking back over my weekly journal, it's clear that I enjoy blogging & that it's good for my soul & development (it forces me to clarify my beliefs in certain areas).

Looking back at my drafts, it's clear that I started something a week or so ago that would have been an angry rant at the younger generations, wrapped up in the lyrics to 'I kissed a girl' by Katy Perry - not my style.

I may, in time, still blog around those lyrics. I am most certainly going to blog about the younger generation, starting now.

I am passionate about people development & often find myself considering those younger than me. I've had several occasions even during my 'slump' month when those in their mid 20's have been foremost in my mind

1. During a time of refurbing the main hall at Christian Centre Nottingham (CCN) & to help out my friends on the PA team, I found myself up scaffolding wiring speakers & the like (heights aren't my thing). My mind free to roam, it was quick to rehearse the list of phenomenal 'kids' currently knocking around CCN!
2. I sat with a 23 year old recently who has the call of God on their life, believes they are to lead a church even in the short term, but is 'begging' to be developed. Their plea pained me
3. I then sat with the CEO of a leading book publishing house & we found ourselves talking about the power to be harnessed from within this (20's) generational decade - I was again at my mental list (as 1.) of CCN powerhouses

At the same time, I am reminded of something that has burned in me for a while around the biblical importance of the age 30. Off the top of my head, I can come up with the following list of 'players' that the bible says came to actual prominence at 30

• Joseph
• King Saul
• King David
• Ezekiel
• Jesus
• John the Baptist (30 maybe 31 given he was 6 months older than Jesus)

There may be more (OT priests for a start), but I suspect that list alone proves my point. I am absolutely not saying that our 20's are merely a stepping stone ('biding time') & I don't know what it is about the age of 30, but my spirit aligns with scripture in telling me it's a key age. I also resonate with the verse in Ecc 11:9 (MSG)

You who are young, make the most of your youth.
Relish your youthful vigor.
Follow the impulses of your heart.
If something looks good to you, pursue it.
But know also that not just anything goes;
You have to answer to God for every last bit of it.

As we've established, I am blessed (largely thro' my CCN existence) to observe a multitude of brilliant twenty-somethings, with massive gift, character to match & who are on fire for God. We (CCN) have an internship programme that gets better & stronger every year. What we don't yet have is the Leadership Development (LD) 'programme' alongside & on top - it's something we talk about, something we want, but something that (for various reasons) we don't yet have.

I feel like I have enough on my plate right now & yet the content of this post is so much more than words - it has me in pieces such that I feel unable to park at least playing a part in it. I don't know exactly what 'it' looks like as yet - truth be told, I don't know what a LD programme should look like. For now, whilst working on the rest, I prefer to consider the absolute necessity of character development from the twenty-somethings & visible modeling from the other parties.

In all my blogs to date, I haven't generated any 'comments' despite making it as easy as I know how - that's been fine. Now I am asking for comments, about this post: how twenty-somethings feel, how they can be helped, what they want & anything else you want to discuss on the topic...I'm switching to listening mode.

Yours - the one determined to play his part

Jonathan

PS I get that some comments (thoughts) might be personal, I'm open to 'private' conversations either in person or via email, Twitter or the like

PPS For the record, I'm also open to LD for those older than twenty-something, but that wasn't my purpose here

any1 for a diagram

In a previous post (epiphany & equations), I ran through an equation I find useful in understanding & making change.

Today for a diagram which plays a similar role in both my own life & my desire to walk with others (it comes from work by Claes Janssen under the title 'Four Rooms of Change').

The theory goes that you start in the top right hand box (Renewal) & move round anti-clockwise at varying speeds, dependent on person & 'topic'.

• Renewal - all is well, but you are mindful of the need to stay on top of your game, reviewing & asking questions accordingly
• Contentment - here all is still well, but you have become complacent
• Denial - the wheels are coming off, but you don't 'see' it
• Confusion - you realise & embrace that things are a mess, but don't know what to do or where to go next

I've had various conversations around this diagram, with different 'takes' from different people. A couple of my thoughts on it...

I find the most dangerous box...denial. We have all seen people (& organisations) spend prolonged periods of time here, I myself spent over a decade of my stockbroking years telling my loved ones my busyness was just a season!

My favourite box is...confusion. It is here that one tends to find...

• A dissatisfaction with the status quo (epiphany & equations (again))
• People willing to embrace questions, even the potentially painful ones
• It is also out of times of confusion that breakthrough often comes

Ultimately, my point here is not to argue the specifics of interpretation but to spell out a process I have used on dozens of occasions to shed light on people & organisations alike. Feel free to carry on using it in your environments.

That said & done, it wouldn't be right to not consider what insights & next steps could be brought out for each of us in our journey to Christlikeness.

Q: is there an area in life where you are in denial? If you don't think there is, ask a trusted friend to make sure!

Q: for any areas where you are confused, who is helping you work through this? Who in your life is good at probing questions?

The recurring theme in these two questions is the role that others can play in our lives. I couldn't overstate my need for the handful of people who know me, put up with me & are helping me to become all God calls me to be.

Maybe more of that on another occasion. That's me for now, I'm off to book a coffee with a mate

Jonathan

holding to (Friday's) account

At the beginning of the week, I tweeted (rather rashly) that I had a quieter week which I would use to recalibrate & re-establish some good practices. I also suggested that I'd blog how I went on, more for accountability (always a good thing) than any other reason.

The reality is, it's been a mixed week - improvements in some areas, with some things I clearly need to keep working on & working through & a continuing realisation that some things will be a lifetimes work!

Within all of that, there were two highlights

1. On Tuesday we had our (CCN) staff away day & at the end of the day a number of people were given prophetic words: mine was to remain passionate without striving. I can't (& for now won't) tell you why that was so spot on. Safe to say - I'm working on it, but suspect it may be one of the lifetime jobs!
2. As part of my jumping around the bible, I currently find myself in John & arrived at chapter 4. I was struck (alomst literally) by the fact that twice Jesus point blank refuses the chance to compete or allow comparison.

Jesus realized that the Pharisees were keeping count of the baptisms that he and John performed (although his disciples, not Jesus, did the actual baptizing). They had posted the score that Jesus was ahead, turning him and John into rivals in the eyes of the people. So Jesus left the Judean countryside and went back to Galilee (v.1-3)

Are you a better man than our ancestor Jacob, who dug this well and drank from it, he and his sons and livestock, and passed it down to us?" Jesus said, "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again (v.12-13)

I need to hear this, competing is one of the main ways my vanity manifests itself. Safe to say - I'm working on it, but suspect it may be one of the lifetime jobs!

Although I have a busier week next week, my determination is to carry on with an intentional focus on the things I know stand me in good stead, even if I have to keep going for months & years.

Not sure I'd like to commit to another weekly update this time next week, suspect it'd be a bit boring & repetitive. I will, however, blog again during the next few days - there are a few things I'm mulling, including the word magnify.

Yours in Him

Jonathan

epiphany & equations

I figured I'd circle back on a couple of things I mentioned earlier - namely epiphanies & logic. I referenced in who?, an 'altered course' from 2003, there was a second kink in 2006.

It's a Saturday in July & I'm buying a couple of friends lunch in the centre of Nottingham. We weren't there to talk about me, but suddenly we were & in particular my frequent lament that I'd come to believe that

my time is more valuable than my money

Their question was, when did I intend to actually do something about that?! Long story short, I acted the following Thursday, a move which ended in a new role, with a great boss, but only 3 days a week (I'll come back another time to the 'spare' time).

I've come to understand what happened to me that day (& at other times) through the following equation (it's not of my own making but can't reference it)

a + b + c > d

where

a = dissatisfaction with the status quo
b = a vision of something better
c = first step towards change
d = the perceived cost of change

As I sat & ate, I already had my 'b' & my 'c' - my 'a' however, had never been big enough to overcome my 'd'.

In words

I wasn't wound up enough to do something that felt risky

That day, my 'd' didn't shrink, I was & still am a risk averse sort of guy, but my 'a' went through the roof & the rest as they say is history. Whilst not the purpose of writing, this includes the fact that in my first full year at 3 days a week, I earned more than I ever had & I'm talking in absolute terms.

Next steps time again - take a minute to think about an area in your life which isn't as you believe God would currently have it to be. Take another minute (or two) to capture your vision of something better (b) & a first step towards that (c). These are typically the easiest of the four ingredients to get at but if you can't do this alone, find a good & trustworthy friend & work through it with them.

Armed with those two elements - there's only one remaining step! Get yourself to a place where you can't not change, however, you do that. If it helps you along your way, my experience is that 'd', the perceived cost of change is in reality rarely as big as we presume it to be.

I'm a long way from 'sorted' myself & continue to use this process in my journey (more of that on another occasion). On the way, let's stay strong & close to Him

Jonathan

John Ortberg brings the ouch

My most recent read was the me I want to be by Mr John Ortberg. If you aren't acquainted with Mr O, I would highly recommend you rectify that via his site, that of Menlo or with a book or two.

I could never do the whole book justice in any event & even less so in a short blog, but I have two quotes that continue to ring in my ears

people would rather debate doctrine or beliefs or tradition or interpretation than actually do what Jesus said...It is easier to be smart than good

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against theology (per se) and certainly not against beliefs or values, far from it. I do, however, sometimes get to wondering if we make aspects of discipleship more complicated than they need to be, because understanding them is just plain uncomfy any way you look at it.

Sǿren Aabye Kierkegaard put it like this

The matter is quite simple. The bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament

I don't know about you, but I increasingly want to bible to come 'too close', without even knowing what that always means. I certainly don't want to entertain the option of understanding and not feeling 'obliged to act accordingly'.

In my next blog, I'm likely to return to God's love and see if something that has helped me recently can be of any help to you guys.

Till then, how about we dare to be a little more New Testament - I will if you will. Besides, I hear smart is over-rated!

Your co-swindler

Jonathan